Family Matters

I live my life in a bit of a bubble.
I overprotect myself from any discomfort that friendships and relationships might cause.
I have always been quick to end any relationship.
I undervalue friendship.

This is a current problem. Not one that I can reflect on and be happy that I've solved. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I have always been more comfortable severing ties with someone, than actually solving the issues between us.

In some ways, this may be a good quality to have, but in most ways I see it as a hinderance to true happiness.

I have for a long time relied on a personal motto -
"We are young, if your relationship with someone else is bringing you more pain than pleasure, do not try to salvage it, dismiss it."

I have been saying this to myself, and to others as far back as I can remember. It's only recently that I've begun to question it. Maybe its a part of growing up. I'm finding myself caring more for others. Mostly my family and very close friends.

I grew up without much family. I think that contributes to my lack of motivation in interpersonal relationships. I had my brothers, but they were all busy living their own lives. I had my aunts, but at times, they seem less united than my brothers. If I were to hold a family reunion, it would consist of less than fifteen people. Either because they would not come, or because they also undervalue our relationships. Through everything, I have had my mother. She has been the only constant family but she couldn't care less about her relationships with others. It clearly rubbed off on me.

How do you solve a problem like this?
How do you change your entire outlook on friendship, relationships, and family?

I think the core of the issue here is that I'm afraid to put myself out there. I am afraid to risk the chance of loss and would rather preemptively protect myself.

As I grow older I see the importance of family. Not just my blood relatives, but the people that have been there along the way. I really feel like having been around through the whole experience of my niece and nephew growing up has changed my perspective on things. I love those kids with everything I am and always want to be there for them. I think it is this love that has brought this revelation.

I have identified the problem. Now it's time to fix it.