Kissing (God That Was Terrible)

Kissing. According to "happyworker.com", the lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of the fingers and the average person spends two weeks of their life kissing. So it come as no surprise that kissing is a large part of a relationship.

Well I'm gonna just come out and be honest about this people.
Bad kissing is a deal breaker.


There is no excuse for being a bad kisser. At this age we have all had a few kisses and have had time to work out the kinks but time and time again I find myself locking lips with girls who already had it going well enough to get my attention and have gotten me wound up enough to dive in but suck so bad that I can't wait to be free of their utterly uncoordinated lips. We've all been there. I'm not trying to boost my ego here. Trust me my ego is already to big (a flaw that I continually strive to keep in check). My only theory as to why someone could be a bad kisser at this age, is that they do not realize that it is a problem. It is a problem. No one wants to be stuck kissing someone who they don't enjoy kissing. It just isn't polite.

So to help solve this problem for myself and for the rest of mankind, I've devised a list of common mistakes and tips to prevent them.

I would like to start this by saying that everyone kisses differently. No two kissers are the same. We all have things that we prefer the other person to do and we all have techniques that we enjoy using. The point of this article is discourage you from those things. Not indefinitely but at least at first.

Start slow- Starting out too fast is a serious mistake. Unless you have kissed this person before this is weird as hell. Someone comes at you like a freight train, and it's hectic and probably kind of sloppy. Its a recipe for disaster. So start slow. Slow is passionate. This is a common thing that I have heard girls complain about, so slow it down guys. This isn't a competition.

Moderation- Everything is good in moderation. This also applies to tongue. I DO NOT WANT YOU TO CHOKE ME WITH YOUR TONGUE. That is just going to piss me off. This is not attractive and will be a huge turn off if we haven't been kissing each other for quite a while. Be light with the tongue but please do not mistake this as a reason not to use tongue.

Timid Tongue- Not using tongue is almost as unacceptable as using too much. If we are kissing for more that a second, there needs to be some motion going on. You know, the opening and closing of the mouth, but what is the real point of this motion if our tongues aren't touching? We just put our mouths together and open and close them simultaneously? Well I will be the first to point out that that shit is boring.

Not Swallowing- Kissing can be quite the sloppy motion if you don't take advantage of the moments when your mouth is closed to swallow some of that saliva. I don't want to go in to too much detail but I've kissed a non-swallower before and I can not say it was pretty. And I also cannot say that it was very high on my list of things to do after I learned of her kissing ignorance.

I know that this post will not change the world, but I can only hope that some pretty girl reads this and begins to question her ability or recognizes one of these four problems and works to fix it. They say that the first step to fixing any problem is to identify that you actually have a problem. So before you dive in for a smooch next time, keep these tips in mind and after some time you and your smooch-buddy will find what works for you.

Anyone else have a kissing pet-peeve or know of someone that sucks at kissing and want to post it on the internet for everyone to see?
Leave a comment.

I'm starting to get some really great input on what to write about but I am no where near 30 so keep 'em coming!

25 posts to go!